Tick Tock!

I was hot. Literally! I could feel my pulse from every vein in my body and with every heartbeat came a constant reminder of the pain I felt! My throat was aching and the pain became increasingly unbearable. No matter how hard I tried to preoccupy my mind with something, the more blank thoughts flooded my mind. Tabula rasa!

I couldn't think. I couldn't move, as I lay on my tummy next to my angel who was in the same position. Each feeling the others heartbeat. She was equally hot but her feet were cold, and because of that, she had socks on her feet and a diaper only.

Time literally passed us as we lay there, too weak to move or turn. I was in a trance and after what felt like eternity, I reached out for my phone and called Darling. He was in the living room with my dad, second mum, his elder bro as well as mine and my younger sister. As he was coming, I wrote a note telling him to take me to hospital as I wasn't feeling well at all!

I was too weak and in soo much pain that I could hardly talk. I had hardly eaten anything for a week now no matter how much I was persuaded to do so. I only took liquids then took my medication. Its like a pact we had with my baby, 'together in solidarity'. She too had not eaten solid food for eight days now! The moment you turn her for feeding, she would have convulses and her mouth would hardly open.

I Miss U...

Its the first month that's the most difficult. Every ticking moment is filled with nostalgia. Gazing at one place, not specifically looking at anything, as in a trance. Dazed and hopeless for the future. How can I live without you? How? Good Lord, I search for an answer from Thee on this one, for it is the most difficult situation I have so far encountered.

No amount of tears shed would bring you back to me. Gone you are, without even saying goodbye. That thought... that very thought makes my tears flow freely as a waterfall! The thought of us chatting and your presence made happy. That smile, that charming smile and twinkling eyes melted my heart. You always knew the right buttons to push, just so you hear my warm hearty laughter! then you would also burst out laughing and giggling at how naughty you are!

Your flawless, supple, smooth and soft skin against mine felt soo good that I took pleasure in oiling and massaging your whole body. Your eyes told me so, of the pleasure you derived from that! The tenderness of your lips still lingers on mine as though it was just five minutes ago. As I caress my lips and think of you, I thank our Almighty God for the moment we shared. For it is through Him, that He giveth and through Him, that He taketh away.

I thank Him for the gift of time. From the time since I first glanced and laid my eyes on you. The first time I held you in my arms. Kissed and hugged you tightly, though still weak, knowing we were going to together forever and ever, till death do we part! The bond we had is beyond any human comprehension, only God and any mother out there, will understand what it entails! Since inception, nurturing you in my belly as you grow from a tiny cell to a complete young one of human beings, is one of God's many great miracles of life!

This is the beginning of my story. This is a mother's story of losing a child. My journey through the life and time God blessed me with Mishi Mbaruku.

This Day!

Today is indeed a special day that which cannot go without mention for it is the first of November, twenty eleven, i.e 1/11/11. Throughout the world numerous occurrences are being noted  for future reference on how this historic day was marked. Not wanting to be left behind, I found time to blog despite being extremely beat after a hectic day!

I must say it was an interesting day because I had like three assignments that needed my immediate attention and still found time to hook up with a special friend after a five-year absence. I didn't believe it myself and hadn't imagined that time can fly that fast! We parted ways after tossing our glasses to '...a new beginning!'

Speaking of new beginnings, yesterday, Monday 30th October 2011, marked the birth of 7th Billion person in the world! Imagine that! 7th Billion! Something huhm?!

Wishing y'all a remarkable and memorable 1/11/11!

Unmasked!

At what point does one get to lay off a helping hand, just coz yo beau isn't comfortable with her? From the time I hired here, she had shown great potential and really out-did herself in order to keep this job. That's the beauty of knowing how to separate the worthy one, who knows the true value of her worth and the joy-rider who is out to constantly be on your nerves and doesn't really care much about her job.

She is great with my young girl, especially during feeding time coz she's quite stubborn at every mealtime. The older girls too like her but they too have their reservations in some ways that she executes her duties. It's a whole web of doubts. But for every doubting character, there will always be cracks! It is these cracks that lead you to the real person. The real unmasked person! 

I know I am a good boss and believe in fairness and equity. I equally know my temperament and those close to me know that. When I am happy, you will know and when I am mad, you will definitely know! I believe in helping to bring out the best of a person. Many have admired my style, personality and the way I handle my business. How do I know that? Quite an interesting discovery it was. The subtle signs and give-a ways that those 'wannabes' exhibit, is astounding! 

I am glad that I can help and influence change on a person's character. For that is a clear indicator that I am influential, a role model and a good leader! After what I have seen, heard, witnessed and gone through... I can confidently say I am! Talent is supposed to be beneficial to others, not to be kept to oneself! There is a Kiswahili saying that goes, " Tenda wema uende zako. Usingoje shukurani. Yote mwachie Mwenyezi Mungu"

Alhamdulilah! I continue to thank God for His blessings and mercies.

Today...

Today I went down memory lane. I listened to my all time favorite songs. 99.9% of them are love songs! HMPH!... you shoulda seen me! O-M-G! I was suddenly re-born. Full of energy. Back to the days of my teenhood! GOSH! I thank God I came across the CDs, flash-disk and radio cassette as I was re-arranging my room, placing things in order since moving house. Going through my stuff that was nicely stashed for a later reference, the photos and my music was the icing in the cake!

I called my girls and we had a blast and really good laugh as we went down memory lane. They asked questions, made comments and compliments. THAT MOMENT... that very moment... is and will be for a very long time, well imprinted in my mind! It was totally amazing! You shoulda seen the bonding session! HMPH! Alhamdullilah! I thank God for the gift of love!

Back to my music, I am a sucker for love songs... They get me all mushy and lovey dovey. Since my childhood days of the Cinderella fairy tales, when love ruled and conquered the smitten heart, I instantly got hooked up to love songs. From the days when we would wait patiently wait by the radio for our favorite songs to play so that we could dub them into cassettes! I'm I talking to anyone out there? :) Boy! did I graduate to be a master dubber or what! :)

But gone are those days. Technological advancements have moved practically everything to another level! Don't even get me started! This is a topic for another day. Today... today I will definitely have a good night sleep. That which is said to be as a baby's. For my heart is light, full of happiness and lotsa love!

TRUE friends...

T-TRUE, TRUSTWORTHY... They are the friends who you are comfortable being your true self around. Those you tell of your mess and they wont go 'share' it in a "prayer meeting." They that can see your strength in your weakest moment, and they'll tell you the TRUTH even when its ugly...

R-RESPECT... They respect you, your values, time, goals and ambitions. The way they talk to you and talk to others about you builds a good image of you. And when they hear people gossiping about you they hurt! and even in those days when your not-so-good-friends, they wont go backstabbing you because even then, they respect you...

U - UNDERSTANDING... They know you in a level that others don't. They understand you and will know when you say 'am good" and by the tone of your voice they know your not!

E - EVER there to ENCOURAGE... They are the wind beneath your wings that push you to your best. They are not threatened by your success for they celebrate you... always!!!

My Year!

Like wine, I become finer as I age! This is something I have noted since the beginning of this year, through a personal journey of self discovery. I have been shelving it, hoping to find an ideal time until I dedicated this particular year, 2011, to be MY year. Oooh My...my my my!... I have re-discovered myself to levels and heights that amaze me! and am loving every moment of it!

As we celebrate Steve Jobs (R.I.P 1955-2011), he's words never stop ringing in my ears! " Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else’s life, LIVE by YOUR VISION!. Don't be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your inner voice...and most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary." 

I thank God for giving me the strength and believing in me on the time off I took to concentrate on myself.  It's been quite a journey, both an eye and ear opener... :-) Anyone out there who has been having that void sense of belonging needs to fully undertake this soul searching journey. I totally relate to the Julia Roberts movie... "Eat, Pray, Love"

Am I talking to someone out there?