This month February

My birthday comes two days after the demise of our beloved angel, daughter and sister. This year marks the sixth commemoration of my sweet angel Mishi. Just as the years before, coming to terms with God's will is still nostalgic. All the same, you can never question His will.

This year marks a significant milestone in my life. I have come of age where one least cares what others think of them, what matters is how I personally feel and the energy that I emit especially to my loved ones is positive and will counter that which is given to me. I share the same birth month with my baby Nratili, which comes 13 days after mine.

All the happenings of this month are emotionally overwhelming but all the same, we are thankful to God Almighty for His grace, blessings, wisdom and mercies that He has bestowed upon us. And as this month comes to an end, I shall continue to embrace one day at a time.

For me, I wish myself a long healthy life full of youthful energy and strength, wisdom and prosperity, abundant love from and to my loved ones and may harm evade me so that I am free of pain not forgetting that all this is only possible through God's will and blessings! 

For you my baby Nratili, may God always have you in His favour, may He grant you good health, long life, wisdom and prosperity beyond your wildest dreams, abundant love for and from your loved ones and may He also shield you from harm or pain, husdah na hasdah, as we say it. May you also be a good judge of character for in your journey through life, you will encounter so many people, each of different character. And may you also always be true to yourself and never forget where you came from.

I love you so much, as in to the moon and back! Its infinity, this love of mine! I will always be here for you, no matter what! Kapish? ;-)))))

Accepting God’s will

Its exactly six years today since we laid my Angel Mishi to rest. I woke up feeling really low and my body wasn’t responsive to any emotion. Its a really bad feeling as all you can do is stare at one point with a blank mind. It’s as though she was there by my side, just as we were, six years ago.

My thoughts then wondered and was recounting the last day of her life here with us. God knew that my heart was too weak to handle His will. We were both too sick and weak because we were not feeding as required so as to save our lives by taking our medication.
  
All I could do is just stare at my sweet baby as she helplessly lay on her tummy. I kid you not, that is a sight that will forever be on my mind. The neuro-surgeon had said her tumour, caused by a spontaneous mutation, was at a really delicate place that wasn’t easy to operate, the brain-stem he said. I have never felt as helpless as I was that day.

As I had blogged a while back about this day, as was God’s will, I had to go to hospital coz I was too weak, my fever soo high and I could hardly talk or swallow! The doc’s review wasn’t good. My tonsils had by then burst and were removing pus. My temperature was at 41 degrees. That’s an admission case right there! As we say it here, 'mara that that!'

And as I laid there on my bed, feeling soo empty, I could feel and still hear her weak breathing. I recounted the moments since conception to birth and the eight months now. By now, my tears were free flowing and it’s as though I knew Angel Jibril was there at her side.

As I am writing this, my tears are free flowing. As much as it is hard to accept God’s will, I am grateful to Him for the limited period my family and I got to know my sweet angel Mishi. As I look at her twin sister grow, I always wonder how she’d be coz with every milestone her sister takes, I imagine her by her side.

Rest in eternal peace mummy, till we meet again.