Certain emotions just hang on, regardless of what you do. I thought I was a pro by now in suppressing
my emotions. But NOOO! When human effort fails to produce the desired change,
then it’s time to hand this over to God, the Most Gracious Most Merciful,
asking in prayer that the emotion be lifted from you. My own personal experience is enough prove
that this works, yeah..., when all the stubborn human effort has failed.
The constant thing that I have always included in my prayers over the
years is thanking Allah for giving me a
grateful heart. I am grateful for my life, my family and especially the
time He gave me with my Angel Mishi, albeit short-lived but I count my blessings
everyday and celebrate her life! I had no hope to hold on to, so I could raise the
her twin sister with the motherly love as I had with her older siblings. It later came to mind that I didn’t
know my own strength coz I got through the pain... for I had crashed down and
tumbled but I did not crumble. Currently, I often wonder and imagine how they woulda been
with her twin sister. *Sigh!*
I survived my darkest days and thought that I’d never make it through. But
my faith..., my faith kept me alive. I thought I’d never lift that weight but
Alhamdulillah! Her twin sister is very close to the father because he literally took over
her upkeep as I mourned Mishi. I would play and bond with her but not for long as Mishi’s
memory kept coming back rather fast! and go back into depression.
The bond M’ma has with her father is remarkable till it makes you
jealous. She’s typically the daddy’s gal! She wouldn’t sleep at night from when she was seven months, unless
she’s in her daddy’s arms with her bottle, looking deeply into his eyes. That
bond was deep as she would feel calm and doze off almost immediately the dad
carries her. They have their moments and silent code that makes you proud as a
parent.
Of all our kids, its M’ma that my hubby has really ‘leaad’ :) LOL... i.e
brought up coz she is all over, did I say ALL OVER... and up his personal space
and business! It really cracks me up whenever it happens. He’s usually a busy
man and at-times comes home late. You know how we wives are all worked up with
this, but thanx to the
technological advancements, the mobile phone has ‘simplified’ our worries...
;)
As calm, sleepy and drowsy as they usually are come 9.00pm, M’ma picks up
my phone and calls the dad. “Daddieee.... where are you?” (...silence as the dad
responds).
“Are you almost coming home?” me... :) .......(the dad responds) “Do I wait for you or do I go to sleep?” .....(the
dad responds) The negotiations for or
against are bargained.
“Okey, don’t forget to
bring for me my chocolate,...the white one and some chewing gum too. Okeeeeeey?”
..... "Okey daddy?" ....(dad responds).......“Goodnight daddiee... mwaaaah!”
She hands me back the phone and kisses me goodnight. “Goodnight baby...”
as I kiss her back.
